By Ann Weaver.
These days, families are more broken than ever before—both inside and outside the church. Parents divorce, separate, or may not even be married in the first place. Children are disrespectful, disobedient, and uncaring toward others in the family. No one truly loves or cares for one another, and family members are constantly arguing or holding grudges. Then, the children grow up and get married (if they even do that!) and will likely follow the pattern held up to them by their parents.
God never meant families to be this way.
In the Bible, God commands fathers to be the head of the family, with the mother as the advisor and the children obeying their lead. (Ephesians 5:23-24; Ephesians 6:1) The parents should start with following His commands as Christians, then as a married couple. When children come along, they should then obey His commands for parenting. The children are then to heed Scripture’s command of obedience. Throughout all this, there should be a deep love and respect for one another, even when various members frustrate each other.
No matter how broken our families may or may not be, we all need the love and support of a good family. Even when our family follows the biblical model, there are many ways the members of the family can become hurt or simply not be close. It does not automatically make a strong family with good relationships.
So what does?
There are many things, of course. I could name scores of them that would make the perfect family. However, I think there are a few key things that will make a truly strong family, and I’ve listed five of them below, adding ways we can work on these things in our own lives.
Respect:
If a family doesn’t respect each other, it will not survive. Marriages, especially, can survive without love, kindness, and much more. But not without respect. Because if you can’t respect someone as a person, how can you respect them as a parent, a child, or a sibling?
Even when it’s hard to respect a family member for a certain decision (or series of decisions!), they’re still your parent or sibling. They may not know best, but God has put them in your life for a reason. He ordained them to be there, and He will reveal His wisdom in time.
Obedience:
Not only should we obey our parents, but our parents should obey God. They should not be provoking us needlessly, (Ephesians 6:4) and they should be keeping His commands for their lives in their hearts. They should also be remembering their Scriptural roles within marriage—the man as the leader and the woman as the one who follows and submits to her husband’s decisions.
The rule of obeying your parents in Ephesians 6:1 doesn’t end abruptly at a certain age, and we should keep this in mind as we transition from girlhood to womanhood. However, it does shift slowly until it eventually disappears and we are left to respect our parents, not to obey them. As we grow older, our parents will begin to respect us as we become more and more able to make decisions (even if they’re stupid!), and we should keep respecting them as wise parents and advisors that the Lord has sent us to protect, guard, and care for us.
Love:
Love makes a healthy family. That is, true love, as described in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8a. Love isn’t a feeling, and it’s not just providing for each other. It’s not just telling family members that you love them. It’s not just helping each other when something needs to be done. All these things do have a part in love, but they aren’t love itself. Anyone can assist or provide for someone else, and anyone can say they love someone. But love should be evident in everything a family does for one another. It should be the motive for everything a family does, whether the action itself is pleasant or not. Yes, there will be disagreements and frustration, but under that should be an underlying sense of loyal love to every member of the family.
When striving to love your family in a deeper way, remember 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a: “Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails…” These traits are the evidence of true love.
Kindness:
As referred to in Ephesians 4:32, many things stem from the simple root of kindness in a home. Honesty, generosity, forgiveness, and much more grow from that root.
When remembering to be kind, don’t forget Matthew 5:39b, where Jesus says, “…whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also.” In a house with siblings, that might be literal as well as figurative, and it’s no less true either way!
Trust:
Without trust in God and each other, anxiety and suspicion will infiltrate a family. Everyone will constantly be in a state of frustration and fear because no one believes that anyone else is out for their good.
It’s important to trust God first. As it tells us in Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.” Once we trust the Lord, it will make trusting our parents and even our siblings easier. It will help us see that, in the end, He is the one directing us and our families.
In the end, the most important thing that makes a strong family is God. When our families are following Him and His commands, all else will fall into place. He is the ultimate head of the family, and He is the one who appointed the roles of each family member (1 Corinthians 11:3). Without Him, no family is complete, strong, or whole.
Post a Comment