By Ann Weaver
How often have you liked something because your mother does? Gotten involved in a certain hobby because your friend or a family member likes it? Worn a certain outfit because you know someone else will be wearing a similar (or different!) one?
If you answered “yes” to those questions or done similar things, it all demonstrates the influence that others have over you. I know I have done many things like that, and I’m sure you have too.
“What does it matter?” it’s easy to wonder. It matters a lot. Not only does Scripture warn us of the influences we may have around us, bad influences will pull us down and weaken us greatly. (1 Corinthians 15:33)
There are good types of influence as well as bad. This could be cleaning your room after you see how nice your friend keeps hers, learning to be respectful to your parents as you watch an older sister do the same, or anything else along those lines. In these cases, you will certainly want to keep these influences in your life, for as it says in Proverbs 27:17, “Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”
So how can we tell what kind of influence our friends and acquaintances have on us?
The HAT method is one way of doing so: Habits, Affections, and Tastes. Here are some questions to consider while going through each one.
Habits:
What do these people do on a usual basis? Where do they go? How do they spend their time? Are they habitually kind to others, or do they often snap or mutter things at people? Everyone has routines that they go through, whether you know it or not, and some can be observed without saying a word. Watch to see a person’s habits and you will learn a lot about their true character, which will help you learn just what type of influence this person is having on you.
Affections:
Who does this person enjoy being around? Who do they speak of with love and kindness, and who do they clearly dislike? Why is this? What are the people like that they admire and respect? Are they worthy of this or not? What types of things does this person like to do? Their affections can also be bestowed on enjoyments and things, rather than people. When we see whom and what a person loves, and that will show who and what they admire, respect, and are influenced by.
Tastes:
What is the person’s taste in music? In clothing? In hobbies? Do they like things that are honoring to the Lord or something that could be questionable? What do they look at on their phones and computers, and what types of books do they like to read? Seeing these things shows what they choose to allow to impact them, even if they do not know it.
Perhaps you have evaluated someone in your life with all this and have realized that they are not a good influence on you. We should separate ourselves from this person who is affecting us negatively, right? But it’s also important to ask, “Shouldn’t we influence these people for good?”
Yes, that is possible, but it’s important to remember one thing: it’s much easier to be pulled down than up. My father likes to use this illustration: imagine that you are standing on a chair, and someone else is standing below you and holding your hand. It will be a lot easier for the other person to pull you off the chair than for you to pull the other person up onto the chair, won’t it?
If you feel a burden for the other person, I suggest you talk to your parents about them and see what you can do. It’s important to influence other people for good. Remember, it says in Matthew 5:16 to “Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.” (ESV) Even so, it’s definitely not worth compromising yourself as you do. We must remember the danger that we might “…learn his ways and find a snare for yourself.” (Proverbs 22: 25) For this reason, if it is decided that it would be wise for us to stay with the other person, we need people to hold us accountable and help us watch our behavior. It’s important to make sure we are not falling into such a snare!
How should we make sure the people around us are influencing us for good? We can try to surround ourselves with good influences, godly people who follow Jesus every day. In some situations it can be hard to find people like this, but if you look around your church perhaps you can find someone like this, maybe even an “older woman” who can help you out. If there seems to be no one nearby, perhaps you can ask your parents to help you get connected with other, godly girls your age.
All in all, let’s be careful who we spend time with, making sure they are good influences in our lives, knowing that “The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.” (Proverbs 12:26)
Post a Comment