By Ann Weaver.
In several places throughout Scripture, we are told that gossip is wrong. There are texts like Romans 1:29, where we learn that continual wrongdoers are… “…being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice; they are gossips…” There is also 2 Corinthians 12:20, where Paul expresses concern about what the Corinthian church will be like when he returns: “For I am afraid that perhaps when I come I may find you to be not what I wish and may be found by you to be not what you wish; that perhaps there will be strife, jealousy, angry tempers, disputes, slanders, gossip, arrogance, disturbances.” In addition, there are several passages that tell us how church leaders’ wives should behave (1 Timothy 3:11, Titus 2:3), and not gossiping is one of the qualifications.
Some people believe gossip means talking about anyone else for any reason. This is impossible. Scripture itself includes many examples of people discussing others among themselves. We should also talk about others to share prayer requests, figure out how to help them, and simply discuss daily life. So gossip cannot simply be talking about someone when they are not present.
Then what is gossip?
Notice that in all the references, other negative things like strife, deceit, malice, disputes, and slander are mentioned. All of these are spoken words, just like gossip. In addition, 1 Timothy 3:11a says, “Women must likewise be dignified, not malicious gossips…” This shows us that gossip is not simply talking about people–it’s speaking wrongly about them. This could mean lies, half-true statements, or things said to allude to something negative–all with an intent to harm.
Gossip also includes sharing things other people don’t need to know. This is made clear in 1 Timothy 5:13: “At the same time the {widows} also learn to be idle, as they go around from house to house; and not merely idle, but also gossips and busybodies, talking about things not proper to mention.” This might mean private struggles or personal details that they might not wish to share. It could also mean that gossip can be idle talk—things that you chatter about just to fill the silence. In addition, it often means rumors that have not been affirmed as true.
At times, you may wonder if a piece of news is gossip, whether you’re hearing or telling the information. If that’s the case for you, here’s an easy way to identify gossip.
Ask yourself whether the subject of your conversation would be fine with hearing what you say. Would you be embarrassed or ashamed if they heard what you said? Ask yourself this: “Would I be fine if others said this about me? How about if they said this about a family member or a best friend?” If the answer to either of these questions is no, it’s gossip, and it needs to stop immediately.
If you realize you’re in a gossipy conversation, don’t be afraid to change the subject. You can do this in a friendly, non-judgmental way by introducing a new topic or asking a question that will not lead to more negativity. If neither of these would work, you can gently interrupt and say something like, “I’m not sure we’re being kind towards this person. Why don’t we talk about something else?” Be sure to include yourself in the blame, then have a topic ready so it doesn’t get awkward. It can be difficult and awkward, but it’s the right thing to do.
Watch out for gossip everywhere. It can be conducted by any type of person in any situation. One place it can surface is in prayer requests. My father, a pastor, has had people give “prayer requests” for others and then proceed to disclose all the gossipy details under the guise of giving details for prayer!
If you’re in doubt whether a topic is gossip, don’t talk about it. If you realize it’s not gossip later, you can always talk about it then. It’s always best to be safe rather than sorry, especially in a matter that’s specifically condemned in Scripture.
Instead of gossiping and speaking negatively about others, let’s use our conversation to build others up (1 Thessalonians 5:11). Let’s choose to can give compliments, offer friendly advice, broadcast kindness, and encourage others. In this way, we can honor God, bless others, and help ourselves look at others’ good traits rather than the bad ones (Philippians 4:8).
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