By Ann Weaver
Honesty can be hard sometimes. You want to be kind, you need to be kind, but sometimes being kind and being honest just don’t seem to mix.
Let’s consider some examples. Your friend asks how you liked her favorite book that you borrowed from her. Your mother asks how you liked supper. Your sister asks how her dress looks. You don’t want to be rude, but if you answered truthfully about these things and you really disliked them, you will probably hurt someone’s feelings.
So how do you answer honestly, without hurting their feelings?
This is can be a very difficult challenge. Some may say the question should have never been asked in the first place. This would depend on the situation. But that is not what I am writing about, and you usually cannot help if they say something in the first place. But there are ways to be honest about what you dislike, without sounding mean.
One of the best things to do in many situations is give a compliment or thank someone for something. So, if you don’t like the meal at someone’s house, don’t lie and say that it was great and you want to eat it all the time. Simply say “Thank you.” You could also add appreciation for all the work they put into it, or thank them for their hospitality.
This response works for gifts as well. Even if you receive something that is definitely not your style or something you have no use for, you can still honestly thank them for thinking of you, and for being thoughtful in giving you that gift.
Sometimes, though, people will ask you more directly what you think of something and there’s no way to avoid answering. When these times come, try to be honest as nicely as you can.
You could say that you’re glad they like this or that, but it actually isn’t your favorite. Or, affirm what they like and ask a question back. Saying something like, “I’m so glad you found a dress you love. What do you like most about it?” puts the focus back on their opinion, not yours.
Honesty is always important, but there is almost always a way to temper your comment by using less harsh words than what may have first come to mind. We are reminded in Ephesians 4:15 that we are to be “…speaking the truth in love…” That can be a hard thing to do, and it takes practice and God’s wisdom. Ask Him to help you respond well in such situations.
Let’s consider one last question. Should you speak the truth even when it hurts? There are times when this might be needed, but there’s no clear answer either. It can depend on many things- the situation, the individual, where you are, whether it’s really your place to bring this up to them, and many other things. But whatever you might need to say, consider how you say it. Carefully choose your words and tone, for you can say hard things in a loving way.
It’s not always easy, but let’s do our best to be careful at all times if what we say, asking God’s help to keep our words loving, kind, and ringing with truth.
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