By Ann Weaver.
I’m sure it’s happened to you before, even if it was just at a grocery store: someone older talks to you as if you’re six rather than sixteen. Maybe they’re giving advice. Perhaps it’s their tone of voice. Whatever it is, it’s clear that they do not know you or your capabilities, or that you’re immature and don’t understand what they’re saying.
This can be frustrating, to say the least. It’s easy to feel angry or inadequate and to resent that person. After all, we are not children any longer, and we don’t want to be treated as if we are.
If we’re being fair, though, teens aren’t exactly adults either. Even if a teen is a legal adult, that doesn’t mean we’re equal to older adults in experience or knowledge. We’re still learning. Though many people’s expectations are low for everyone under the age of 30, young people are just that: young. We’re inexperienced, most of the time. This doesn’t mean that teens are incapable of being mature, of course. But when we’re trying to overcome the way adults talk to us, we have to remember that we are younger and likely less experienced. We may not always be wrong, but we do always have something to learn–just like everyone else in the world.
In fact, some people may not even realize they’re talking to teens this way. It may be a tone they picked up from others or words they’ve learned in society. They may have never thought about it. Probably, they’re talking to us like we talk to a five-year-old—not rudely, but not how we’d talk to a peer or adult. Personally, I wouldn’t say it’s right, but I wouldn’t say that it’s wrong either.
These instances can be frustrating or annoying, but we often forget one important thing: we should examine ourselves for any error. We may blame the adult for speaking to us this way, but we don’t bother to make sure their tone or words weren’t justified. If we’re acting immature, they have a reason to speak to us in that way. (Whether it’s right is not the purpose of this article. That is theirs to consider.) If this is the case, we need to correct our behavior immediately.
Even if we can’t see any error in what we’re doing, we do need to consider their words. If they were advising on a certain topic, we should think about it from their point of view. Remember, they have lived longer. They likely have more experience than we do. They may not have all the details, but that doesn’t mean we should dismiss them just because of the way they said it. We may have placed undue emphasis on something they said in our heads, or, as we saw before, they may not have realized the way they spoke.
If we realize they were correct, we should be humble enough to go back to the person and discuss it calmly. As it says in Proverbs 12:1, “Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid.” We must be open to the possibility that we may not be fully correct.
In the case that we believe ourselves to be in the right, we should still remain respectful. We should extend the kindness we would like to receive instead of becoming resentful or hostile or trying to tell them how wrong they were for speaking to us that way. This is following the Golden Rule in Matthew 7:12: “In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets.” If we don’t treat them with respect, how can we expect them to treat us that way?
Whether we feel we’re right or wrong, we must remain humble, respectful, and consistent. Humility shows that we’re ready to receive correction and wisdom from others, respect displays that we aren’t trying to be arrogant and proud, and consistency is key to demonstrating that the other two traits aren’t just our outward appearance, but the true state of our heart. By this, we will be doing what Paul advises Timothy to do in 1 Timothy 4:12: “Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith, and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe.” We should be careful not to be cocky, defiant, or disrespectful, because that will only prove them to be right for thinking we’re immature.
If a person continues to speak to us in this way after an extended period of time, we should talk to our parents. Have we been wrong and haven’t been able to see it? If your parents believe you have been behaving appropriately and uprightly, consider approaching the person respectfully and talking to them about it.
There will always be people who don’t believe young people are adequate for various things, but as long as our behavior is above reproach, we are not responsible for this. We should still remain kind and respectful, but we don’t have to worry about it. Instead, we should follow the words in Titus 2:7-8: “In all things show yourself to be an example of good deeds, with purity in doctrine, dignified, sound in speech which is beyond reproach, so that the opponent will be put to shame, having nothing bad to say about us.”
When adults talk down to us, we must remember to remain respectful. Even when we feel that we’re correct, that does not give us an excuse to be rude or rebellious. Instead, it should spur us on to be humble and kind, so that we can prove our worthiness without saying a word.
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