By Emilie Gruben.
Do you ever wake up and immediately know that you’re on the wrong side of the bed? You read your Bible, stretch a bit, take the type to readjust your thoughts, and you still find yourself lingering on selfish thoughts. I could do the dishes better, you think, eyeing the job that your sister just finished. I could solve that problem, quicker, you grumble in your head as you listen to your younger sibling do their schoolwork. Nothing seems to measure up to your standard. You could do better. Why doesn’t everyone just listen to you, and stop wasting energy and time? Couldn’t you lead them to success and happiness, easier? These selfish thoughts happen to everyone, especially between family members. But that doesn’t lessen the sin, in the least!
In Numbers 11:1, we see that grumbling angers God greatly. “Now when the people complained, it displeased the Lord; for the Lord heard it, and His anger was aroused. So the fire of the Lord burned among them, and consumed some in the outskirts of the camp.”
I struggle with this want “to do better,” often. My siblings and patient parents can tell you. But these petty disputes of leadership in the home, are just the beginning of our subtle rebellion towards the leadership in our life. Just because we are young, does not mean we are incapable of leading, or should not. Our attitudes dictate our servanthood and leadership. If we choose to obey in humility and joy, we are leading ourselves and others by example. We read 1 Timothy 4:12, “Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity.” Our time as youth may be coming to an end, and the next forms of leadership and obedience, approach. As growing young women, we are entering the stage in which we are encouraged into marriage and homes of our own.
Our place in the home as humble, understanding independently accented followers, is not the only way of service. As young women and children, we are instructed to follow the authority of our parents and other god-centered role models with obedience. In our own homes, though, that obedient followership changes. We are under the leadership and guidance of our husbands. Now we have the role of leading our own children and household. We cannot lead in a power-hungry way, nor can we fret ourselves into insanity about the slightest thing not going according to “our” plan.
A mother and wife shall lead her household in a way that omits worldliness, and embraces the beautiful attributes of Christ. Even in marriage, we are not to be our husband’s “equal” in leadership. As it is written in Eph. 5:22-23, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.” A church cannot stand without Christ as it’s rightful head, and neither can a home function without the same attributes of God, in place.
There is to remain a respectful submission to his choices and decisions, even if it goes against our own. As long as these choices do not go against the written Word of God, then we are to humble ourselves in the truth, and obey, gladly. Throughout the Bible, we see this type of respect. Even when respected by the King Ahasuerus, Esther is anxious when appearing before the king, as it was punishable by death because of the last Queen’s disobedience in her role. (Esther 4:10-17) In fact, it takes her many times to gather the courage to plead for her people. Even outside of royalty, the man and woman were not nearly as close in communication, as they are now. There was a deep respect and fear of their biblical place, and who was the head of the home. Daughters and wives were completely underneath the man. In our society, now, where women demand to be treated, paid, and seen no differently than men, just the slightest amount of respect and place in the home is a beacon of hope for God’s intentional design.
Though the home is where the idea of leadership is to be kindled and cherished, bringing a beautiful aroma to God, it is often more overlooked in comparison to a woman’s leadership in the church, or other places. In many of today’s churches; women can be found in nearly every place of leadership. Avoiding the controversial topic of women pastors, there can be women found in the church’s technical jobs, secretarial jobs, childcare jobs, and teaching positions. Just because a woman can be capable of these positions, or there are limited men that can be of service, it is not something that God intended or can be justified by His Word.
Biblical passages back up the roles of the women-not heard, rarely mentioned, but still respected.
In the feeding of the Five Thousand, those that were recorded were men. There were obviously children and women in the crowd, with their husbands, fathers, sons, and brothers. But according to the traditional, God-honoring roles, they remained only mentioned, after. Matthew 14:20-21- “So they all ate and were filled, and they took up twelve baskets full of the fragments that remained. Now those who had eaten were about five thousand men, besides women and children.” It is not that the women were an afterthought, because God created all that has been made, and “It was good.” Women were no less beautiful in the sight of God, than the men or the birds of the air, or the fish of the sea. But they had a God-intended role.
In certain encounters, we also see this role. The Woman at the Well, whom Jesus instructs to give Him water. This entire passage was filled with deep undertones. There was not only the clear coming of the Messiah being told to the woman, and tested; as well as Jesus speaking not only to a woman, but a Samaritan woman who was known inappropriately among men. Jesus broke many customs by speaking to and including women, as well as those with horribly ungodly lifestyles. It can never be said that He did not love those who came to Him, nor did He cast away women.
Regardless of how Christ personally treated the women whom He encountered, the church did not do the same. The Bible says in 1 Cor. 14:34-35, “Let your women keep silent in the churches, for they are not permitted to speak; but they are to be submissive, as the law also says. And if they want to learn something, let them ask their own husbands at home; for it is shameful for women to speak in church.” Many today could deem these verses’ content as “offensive,” or “oppressive,” and many other words that they have coined for their own, selfish goals to lead.
We have been greatly blessed to not have to keep silent on many things, now. But that does not lessen our need to obey the scriptures. We can lead in our own ways. Leadership does not have to be equal to others’ roles, nor does it have to be showy. To lead is to do service unto others. As our salvation rests on Christ, so should our view of leadership. Humility and understanding is not valued. We are no different than when Jesus was talking to James and John, in Mark 10:43-45. The wisdom does not only apply to men, but women, even more so. “Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you shall be your servant. And whoever of you desires to be first shall be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.” To lead is to serve. Our leadership is mainly in the household, to our families. Then to the other families in the church: our fellow sisters and children in Christ. To recognize our role in God’s biblical plan is perhaps the greatest thing we could know. How we can serve our Savior and others through obediently following, leading by example and joy.
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