By Grace Sweeney.
We’re all familiar with the concept of fitting in, some of us more than others. Everyone in this world wants to be unique and “different”–but we want to fit in at the same time.
The scientific name for this is the need for conformity. Human beings have a deep psychological need to feel like they belong, and we’re willing to change ourselves in order to fit into a group. Often, we don’t even realize we’re doing it.
Here’s a quick definition of conformity according to psychologists. Breckler, Olsen, and Wiggins (2006) said: “Conformity is caused by other people; it does not refer to effects of other people on internal concepts like attitudes or beliefs. Conformity encompasses compliance and obedience because it refers to any behavior that occurs as a result of others’ influence – no matter what the nature of the influence.”
We All Engage in Conformity
Have you ever been tempted to talk, dress, or act differently around a certain group of people? Have you said “please” and “thank you,” folded your napkin into your lap, or helped clear your plate–all because it’s expected? Do you drive on the right side of the road because the law says to? If yes to any of those questions, you’ve succumbed to conformity.
Some conformity is undoubtedly good. We don’t want people ignoring traffic laws or smacking while eating or shouting rude things wherever they go.
Some types of conformity, however, have a little more gray area. Is it wrong to listen to the same music as your friends? Is it bad to adopt certain expressions with one group? How about dressing in the newest styles, doing popular hairstyles, and wearing makeup like everyone else? Where is the line drawn?
God does have rules in the Bible about some of this. He tells us to dress modestly, not engage in crude speech, and not listen to things that will harm our spirits. But what about beyond that?
The Dangers of Conformity
Because fitting in is such a strong psychological need, we can find ourselves going to great lengths in order to fit in. Sometimes, we go too far with it.
People try to get “in” with the popular and ungodly crowd. Young people succumb to peer pressure and begin smoking or doing drugs. There have been pastors who twist the truth of the Bible because they’re scared of losing a few members of their congregation.
Conformity is like a scale. On the green side of the scale are good things like traffic laws and regular etiquette. But it’s far too easy to slip into the red and begin living ungodly lives, maybe without even realizing it.
Finding a Balance In Conformity
We’re always going to want to fit in. It’s natural. But we must be careful to the degree we engage with that desire. If we don’t, it can become harmful to ourselves and others around us.
We need to remember what Paul said in Romans 12:2. “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” It’s only through Christ that we can determine which of the smaller conformities are right and wrong.
The biggest thing to remember is that we will be different. If you’re a follower of Jesus, you will stand out. You won’t fit in.
Jesus was hated by the world. The world rejected Him and the Gospel.
Because we follow that same Gospel but still live in the same world, we’ll be hated too. Some people will reject us, all because we’re followers of Christ. (John 15:18-19.)
But that’s okay. In the end, all that matters is that we live a life that pleases God and helps advance His kingdom. If not fitting in is the price we have to pay, so be it.
The kingdom of Heaven is worth everything.
“You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” – Matthew 5:14-16
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