By Emilie Gruben.
Perhaps you’ve read a book or watched a movie where something really dramatic happened to the main character. And someone found out about the situation in a bad way. The main character is usually very embarrassed by someone finding out, and may not know what to do about the situation. But then the person that found out, tells someone else. Now there are lots of people who know about this bad situation, with no real details or knowledge of reality. Misunderstandings, gossip, and havoc can ensue quite easily, now. We, as the readers of viewers, watch this on the edge of our seats. We want so desperately for the main character to just tell the others about what happened. To clear up the misconceptions and get the plot moving again. But it never just ends with a conversation, some solid thoughts, and a bit of courage. Or does it?
We are desperately prideful people. Pride and selfishness make us think of ourselves both too highly and too lowly. We like to focus on our own problems to the point that they become larger than life, whether it’s how much we despise them or wish to resolve them. Dwelling on our own perspective often leads us to not talk about the things on our mind for fear of conflict, rejection, or other extreme reaction. We disconnect ourselves from others by shying away from healthy communication. As said in Proverbs 18:2 “Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions.” Even if the opinions are silent, we still take pride, in some way, shape, or form.
However, quite often, we don’t think of what we are doing as we do it. We don’t talk to others when we should. Whether it’s outright asking someone for a favor, telling a relative what you really want for your birthday, or telling someone whom you cherish a lot, something very impactful. All of these situations require genuine communication to reach a goal of understanding. This can only be accomplished if you set aside your own worries about the outcome of having the conversation, and do your best to voice your thoughts for the sake and wellbeing of both parties. We will go over a few short tips that can easily be applied to any situation.
1. What is the goal you need to reach? Why is it out of your grasp from where you are, without addressing it? Once you can clearly write or say what you need to achieve, it is easier to find an approach to get there. You are preparing ahead of time. Like surveying a page before you read it. You have a vague idea of what you are about to read, which will help you focus on and understand more.
2. Be clear and concise with your words. Once you have the goal in mind, you can think of what is the most concise way to tell someone else your need to reach that goal. Think of your words. Pick short, straightforward sentences that tell exactly what you want to say. After you have done that, you can find longer words that still get your point across, but maybe more “professionally” than before.
3. Even though you are already busy staying to what you want and need to say, you must also be aware of what you aren’t saying. Pay attention to the unsaid details. What are you doing with your hands? Are they distracting yourself or the person you are talking to? How does your face look? Is your expression making you look approachable or condescending? How is your voice changing the meanings of your words? Are you steady in your tone, and talking slowly enough or fast enough? Focus on all the unsaid details in your approach.
After you have started the conversation and said all that you needed; stop to collect your thoughts, if you can. Listen to the response you are being given, or perhaps give them a few moments to dwell on your words. Communication is the active listening and participation of two people, and as for every conversation, that must be rooted in respect. You have to respect yourself and your own words to take yourself seriously, as well as the person you are talking to. Respect also carries to the end of the conversation. Respect yourself in the conclusion. Don’t start yelling if “it didn’t go your way,” or be angry at the person for not seeing your points despite your best efforts. An outburst of no self-control will only defeat the whole process of communication with a purpose.
Dear reader, to communicate, first we must listen. We must respect others and value them and their words above our own. My father always tells me that God created us with two ears and one mouth, which means that we should listen twice as much as we talk. Communication is only possible when both sides heed the other’s words. In Prov. 18:13 we read “To answer before listening— that is folly and shame.” God commands us to put thought into each of our words. Ephesians 4:29 enforces this, as well. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Our communication should never be to hurt others or make ourselves feel better, but to listen to their words as well, in the hopes of bettering or resolving the reason for our attention.
I hope that the passages gathered and the simple tips given, have explained a little bit deeper, our need for communication, as well as helping you towards achieving that goal.
Post a Comment