By Ann Weaver.
Last year, I graduated from high school. It was a very strange feeling, made even more odd since I didn’t know what I was going to do when school started again in the autumn. I felt like I’d been waiting for that moment for so many years, and then suddenly it arrived, and I didn’t know what to do with myself.
Many things in life are this way. We wait and wait for the day when we’re a certain age or allowed to do a certain thing, and then we arrive and realize we’re completely unprepared. This is because we focus on the achievement as an end goal, instead of the journey before and after the occurrence. Then, once we arrive at the place we want to be, we realize we're incapable of taking on a new challenge. We end up standing on the brink of the event and realizing, Oh wow, this is actually happening!
One major thing I learned at my graduation is this: you don’t magically gain skills, knowledge, and insight when you arrive at a goal you’ve had for many years. My mother told me the same thing is true about marriage and babies, and I realized it’s true in my case as well. Life doesn’t miraculously change as soon as you receive the high school diploma, married name, or newborn baby. You’re still the same person you were right before it happened; only you have new expectations and duties weighing you down now.
While we need to wait on God’s guidance for the future (Psalm 27:14), this does not mean we have to remain stagnant and inactive. We should be gaining skills now—spiritual, mental, and practical—as we wait for His directions. One day, something may occur that requires certain capabilities, and you will be very glad you have those skills when the time comes. This is the reason girls often babysit—it’s good to know how to change diapers and amuse toddlers before you're handed your own baby after their birth.
But we can’t just hone our skills in one direction and not in others. We don’t know what the Lord has in store for us. Most of us are preparing to be wives and mothers one day, and that’s wonderful. But some of us may be called to be single women, and it’s important that we aren’t completely helpless in the world if that happens. Some of us may be widowed one day, or some other tragic circumstances may occur that we can’t foresee. The focus at Where Brook and River Meet is always for young women to be stay-at-home wives and mothers, but we must be practical enough to realize that this might become impossible for a percentage of us.
So how can you prepare yourself to be capable for the future without knowing where you’ll be in ten years? How can you do that and still wait on the Lord's guidance for your future?
Develop a basic knowledge of a variety of skills.
As a wife and a mother, (and also as a person), it’s good to know how to do many basic things. You don’t have to be an expert, but it’s good to know these things in an emergency. This is a huge range. It could be anything from knowing how to plan a garden to basic sewing to first aid to making doctor’s appointments.
Obviously, curate this to your life and situation, but in general, try to learn a little bit about everything. As the saying goes, it’s much better to know a little about a lot than know a lot about a little. After all, even if you never use your knowledge, it’s at least a good conversation starter!
Study Proverbs 31 and Titus 2.
These two passages of the Bible have been jumping-off points for hundreds of women’s studies, books, and devotionals. Even so, their words still give us great insight into a capable woman under God’s standards. Proverbs 31 can even fall under the previous point. The woman in the passage knows how to do many things and do them well, for her husband, her children, and her household.
In Titus 2, when it speaks about both the older and the younger women, we can strive to learn the qualities of both. Yes, we can even prepare for the future as an older woman. We won’t suddenly become elderly and wise, avoiding all temptation and leading perfect lives once we hit a certain age!
Learn to be self-reliant and industrious.
The New Oxford American Dictionary defines self-reliance as being “reliant on one's own powers and resources rather than those of others.” For us as young women, this does not have to mean relying on our own careers and strength without the help of a man. Instead, it can mean that we are capable enough to think for ourselves and not rely on others to do things for us. (Remember: it does not mean that we’re better than others because we don’t need their help.)
Industry is defined as hard work in the same dictionary, with a note that it stems from the Latin meaning of diligence. It plays a major part in self-reliance, as the latter requires perseverance and plenty of hard work. With these two traits combined, you can learn to do many things, no matter what happens in your future.
Notice how women do things now for the future.
This is another example of Titus 2—older women teaching younger ones. As you go about life, look around at women to see how they’ve dealt with these difficulties. Learn how others stretch grocery budgets, make do without certain conveniences, and make their home beautiful without a large budget.
Focus specifically on the women who are a few steps ahead of you. If you’re in high school, how do college students or stay-at-home daughters manage their time? How do they balance family and other interests? If you’ve graduated and are looking forward to marriage, how do the young wives prepare food for only two people? How do they brighten their husband’s day? What are some of their daily routines? And once you become a wife, look forward to how new mothers manage their time and care for their babies. This is something all women (and men!) should do at all stages of life, from little girls looking up to the teens to the mothers of the teens looking at the grandmothers. We can always learn from those who have gone before us!
Remember: Take advice from those a step behind you as well! They may have wise ideas as well, even if they haven’t gone through what others have. Their advice may be inexperienced, but that does not mean it’s bad. For all you know, they could’ve had a friend or family member who went through something similar, and they saw their experience and drew from that! Never discount someone because you feel like they’re less skilled than you in any area.
Find out the places you’ve been lacking and tackle those.
This is perhaps the hardest step of all, but highly necessary. You must improve your unpracticed skills if you hope to gain higher skill in other areas. It is true even here that a chain is only as strong as its weakest link. You may be able to hide that weak link under other capabilities, but it will bring consequences later that may pertain to other things.
If you’re not sure where you’re lacking, think about the things your family may remind you of—because family, after all, knows your faults the best. Do you procrastinate chores, neglect to pick up after yourself, or have an aversion to cooking? Learn to move past your personal likes and dislikes and your faults, and do your best to overcome them, asking the Lord for help at all times.
Though it can be hard to prepare when we’re not sure what we’re preparing for, it’s important we do so anyway. The future isn’t never. It will come, both sooner and later than we think it will, and we need to be ready for it when it does. But before it comes, our place is to wait upon the Lord and prepare ourselves. And when you’re unsure and in doubt over what the future may hold, remember Jeremiah 29:11.
“’For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not calamity to give you a future and a hope.’”
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